I can smell him.

Like poo gas.

I hate poo gas.

The lair's pretty big. Loaded with all kinds of traps.

The trip wires are nothin.

The pit falls I can smell a mile away.

The machine guns-

Uh oh.

BUDDHA! BUDDHA! BUDDHA!

Shit.

I hit the ground.

No blood. Just tons of grease.

My mutant fatty factor kicks in. I lay low.

The Grinch's baddy's come to check it out.

They think I'm dead.

Heh.

Funny.

<"We should carry him to the boss.">

<"Yes.">

<"That way the boss can see that he's dead.">

<"Yes.>

<"I think he's still alive!">

"No I'm not." I lie.

<"He say's he's dead.">

<"But-">

<"Hey! I think a man knows when he's dead, yah? I mean, if you were dead, you'd know it too, wouldn't you?">

<"Yeah, but-">

BUDDA BUDDA!

<"Sorry, Mr. Dead guy. His stupidity will insult you no longer.">

"Thanks." I lie.<

<"Sure.">

They drag me.

It's kind of fun.

Reminds me of DisneyWorld.

I like DisneyWorld.

Except for that mouse.

But I killed him.

I smell the Grinch before I see him. His body odor's got nothin' on mine.

<"So. You have killed Saint Snktolas.">

"Yep." I answer for them.

<"Good."> The Grinch says. <"Okay. You can kill us now.">

"Really?" I ask.

<"Yeah, knock yourself out.">

I never pass up a formal invitation.

Unless it's to one of those fancy balls. I get a little carried away at those.

SNKT!

They fire their oozies.

Hurts like you wouldn't believe.

But not for long.

SPLOOK!

SPLICK!

SLOICK!

SCHLICK!

SCHLACK!

SNAP!

CRACKLE!

POP!

AAAARGH!

SLICE!

DICE!

MINCE!

VWIT.

YEEEAAAGH!

That's the last of em.

An' just when I was getting into it.

Well...

There's always the Grinch.

He's got a gun.

How quaint.

"You've been a bad boy this year." I lie. "Santa's gonna bring you lots of coal."

Suddenly a hole opens up in the floor. Not under me.

Beside the Grinch.

I laugh.

Then I stop laughing.

Rudolph's standin next to the Grinch.

Evidently he came through the hole.

The Grinch puts a gun to the Reindeer's head.

Big mistake.

<"One more step and I blow the freak's brains out!">

"Rudolph doesn't have any brains."

<"What?">

"You heard me. No brains. Head's empty."

<"But- I've gotta have someone's brains to blow out!">

"How bout mine?"

He thinks about it real long. I give him plenty of time.

<"Okay..">

I put my claws away. He pushes rudolph aside.

I walk over and stand where the freak was a moment before.

<"Okay, now what?">

"I'm going to kill you."

<"It's going to hurt, isn't it?">

"Yep."

SNKT!

I do a lot of things like this.

But this one's different.

This time....

They messed with my reindeer.

SLICE!

And Santy Claws is very protective-

SPLOIK!

Of his reindeer.

SQUICK!

The bastard dies a relatively slow death.

I cut him so many times I ran out of big, blocky sound effects letters.

So I just maimed him in silence.

Kinda relaxin really.

Grinch was dead.

Rudolph was saved.

I got to kill a bunch of annoying little elves.

All in all, a good day.

I could hear Christams carolers nearby.

Singin' "Joy to the World" in Japanese.

Think I'll change their tune.

Merry Christmas.