It's the anniversary of her death...the one I never thought I would have to leave especially when it was my killing strike that was the thing that did it...to her. I loved her so much that even talking about the small things that she did was pain full. It shouldn't have been her...it should have been Matsuo...but that's just the revenge and guilt talking to me just like all the other times I had to kill people. I think about her every time I wake up gasping for breath when I wake up from a nightmare...it's almost as if she soothes me until I'm calm. None of the X-men understood how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and how much it hurt inside to have watched her funeral and to have smelt the new flowers that were laid upon her grave. I don't come here often, only on her anniversary I wish I could come more but with Charlie thinking the way that he does I better not...even when I know he would let me and understand how important it is to me. She was my fiancé, the one I loved above all the rest. But one of the worst things about it is that I could have saved her...I wouldn't have to worry about the guilt that rises every year or the memory that kills me that if it wasn't for me she would have been found, taken to a hospital and would be at my side kissing me on the cheek at the mansion making all the girls jealous, especially Jean. But instead I get their pity, the stares I get from the people that know range from sorrow to disgust, why should I care, every one has their secrets and every one a past. But it's only a handful of people that wish to share their pride or pain. Me? I don't care if people know; it only matters when they're accusing me of her wish...to kill her...end her pain as she was poisoned. I wish she had never asked me to end her misery and I wish that she had asked if she could be taken care of by trained doctors, maybe Beast had something to grant her life to be okay and fulfilled. But I ask myself a lot of questions like what really is my name and if what has happened to me had a reason. But as I look upon the picture of the beautiful Mariko Yoshida the memories of that fateful night comes speeding back to haunt me...
"Logan," said the beautiful woman that I knew too well. "Where are you?"
"And where is here?" she said, her scent getting stronger.
"You know where," I said, smiling as that beauty that I was to wed the next day walked around the corner.
"You're in your uniform. What's the occasion?"
"Just got back."
"Really?" she said, sliding up to me smiling
"Mariko what's on ya mind?" I ask her as I see her gorgeous smile.
"I would think you already know."
"Babe you better watch it," I said as she pushed me down on the bed.
That was the last time we expressed our love for each other before we were parted forever. She was my life and I would have given my life to death itself just to see her safe but I was the one that ended her life. I don't remember the wedding...as much as I know I should but I don't...Maybe that was the time she was poisoned, maybe that was the time her soul was taken from her and started to slowly die in front of my eyes, could I have been so stupid into thinking that she was okay...for the Yoshida Clan things were never okay. As I put down the flower that I had bought only for her and got closer to her headstone and bowed to her the thought of that night...
"Matsuo's poison has killed me, Logan," she wailed in my arms.
"Let's get you to the hospital...get the antidote," I said to her, trying to calm her.
"There is none," she said, still in her kimono. "Do not...let my enemies take my life...accept the only thing I have left to give."
I held her in my arms trying to calm her down...to tell her that she would be okay.
"I don't..." I started.
"Release me my love," she said. "With your claws."
"No I can't."
"Please! The poison kills too slowly...the pain burns," she begged. "Please."
I thought about it and I loved her...I couldn't bear to see her gone from my life but I couldn't bear to see her in pain anymore then the other choice that lay before me. I kissed in return and it was long and beautiful knowing that this would our last.
"I love you, Mariko," I said after finishing the kiss, and with a final 'SNIKT', she had breathed her last as I held her in my arms.
A couple of tears leaked out the corners of my eyes and fell silently to the ground. I don't remember the last time I cried but I do know I did before she died and after she had passed. Her funeral was how she wanted...with her family and friends all around the newly made headstone. The only thing missing from her funeral was me...
I walked up to the beginning of the stairs that led down to her grave most of her family was there. I didn't feel like going down there just yet I know I should but if truth be told they all know what's going on and how she died.
"Mariko," I whispered. As I saw that people were leaving, I walked down with a rose in my hand. I bowed as soon as I got to her picture and put the rose on the ground "I love you..."
The next few days I felt awful...I had killed the love of my life and no one could help me...talk to me or understand my pain. I didn't want their pity or sorrow or condolence not even from Nightcrawler or Jean. I rubbed my eyes to clear them so I could see but more tears just came. I miss her terribly her eyes, her hair, her smile, her scent, her beauty. I can't bring her back only the memories of her can help me see her. I will never see her again in person but I will not stop thinking about her and no one can stop me...not even death. I still love her and the fact that she chose me to be the one to die with and be with gives me enough honour and strength keeps me going.
"I love you, Mariko," I say as the sun sets in the west.
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